But, listen. The thing about it is, the first time she ever died was very horrible. I didn't know her well back then, but my job was to protect her, but she died anyway and there wasn't anything I could do, and I didn't know she'd come back.
Now that I know we come back, it will never be quite as terrible as that.
[ thinks about how many times he's died on cyoa to return alive. yes. it's a bit inconsistent and stupid. ]
Yeah. I think I get it. It's been easier in general, knowing that people can come back from the beginning...
[ it may never be as terrible as before, particularly because ylfa's world is just so dreadful. still, a bad experience can be bad, even if it's not the worst. ]
But I'm sorry you've had to lose her more than once anyway.
She isn't lost, it's just a fucking mean thing to happen to someone.
[so she didn't lose her, but it's still infuriating. but the bubbling anger gives way to something a bit more tired. she is glad to be here. it was bad to see haru come back and not know how bad it was. ]
[ he needs the firm reminder that the dead aren't gone. it still feels like a departure, but—that's why it's important that it isn't forever. they can't let it be forever. and in the moment, he's grateful to have ylfa here too. both so he can be there for her, and they can be here for rin. ]
Right. It's... [ he can only say this once per game but it's a special occasion to have her here ] fucking mean.
[she also only curses when she's feeling especially rebellious.]
I just think she would feel really horrible, to hurt everybody with that. But the thing that happened to her last time she died was actually way more horrible, so I'm glad it wasn't that.
Well...it was very similar to that, but those briars are actually extremely dangerous. So I was glad if she was that hurt anyway, that they disappeared and Kaworu or Rin or Maya didn't get hurt very badly from them.
[ylfa's emotionshare is that something grim happened there, so you know something grim happened there.]
[ ah. tiny grimace. if it's bad by ylfa's standards, it's bad. kaworu really did run headfirst at those briars too. ]
...After everything that's happened to her, that's... good. [ it's hard to say anything about this is good but considering rosamund had been possessed once too, this is an upgrade. ] Hurting people without meaning to can't be easy for her.
[ because she's nice and also he's used to the themes of neverafter by now. ]
But it's really okay. I'm just mad about it, that's all. I don't want to worry you. Or have anybody think I don't care that Rin and Maya also got hurt. [no one thought this.] Stuff just... happens sometimes, and then you start over.
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that's a good summary though. just. you've gotta be fucking kidding. t h u r s d a y. ]
...You picked a week to come back.
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[she's mad about that. and that's sort of the major emotional difference, this completely helpless and directionless anger.]
If anybody died, I wanted to be there. But also, it's not even supposed to work like that!
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You mean people actually dying on Thursdays...?
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[it's. stupid. huffing an angry breath.]
But, listen. The thing about it is, the first time she ever died was very horrible. I didn't know her well back then, but my job was to protect her, but she died anyway and there wasn't anything I could do, and I didn't know she'd come back.
Now that I know we come back, it will never be quite as terrible as that.
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Yeah. I think I get it. It's been easier in general, knowing that people can come back from the beginning...
[ it may never be as terrible as before, particularly because ylfa's world is just so dreadful. still, a bad experience can be bad, even if it's not the worst. ]
But I'm sorry you've had to lose her more than once anyway.
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[so she didn't lose her, but it's still infuriating. but the bubbling anger gives way to something a bit more tired. she is glad to be here. it was bad to see haru come back and not know how bad it was. ]
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Right. It's... [ he can only say this once per game but it's a special occasion to have her here ] fucking mean.
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I just think she would feel really horrible, to hurt everybody with that. But the thing that happened to her last time she died was actually way more horrible, so I'm glad it wasn't that.
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...It was worse than today?
[ worse than coming back barely held together by briars and then falling apart into pieces ]
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[ylfa's emotionshare is that something grim happened there, so you know something grim happened there.]
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...After everything that's happened to her, that's... good. [ it's hard to say anything about this is good but considering rosamund had been possessed once too, this is an upgrade. ] Hurting people without meaning to can't be easy for her.
[ because she's nice and also he's used to the themes of neverafter by now. ]
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[it's not really for anyone, probably.]
But it's really okay. I'm just mad about it, that's all. I don't want to worry you. Or have anybody think I don't care that Rin and Maya also got hurt. [no one thought this.] Stuff just... happens sometimes, and then you start over.