[ i'm sorry, pregnant for 50 years? FIFTY YEARS?????? MY GOD.
but ohhhhh kate. sweet kate. he kind of wants to pull her into a hug again, because some of this is so familiar, and nothing hurts more than watching someone you care about suffer like this. ]
She must have worried about you. [ her grandmother. ] It hasn't been long since you left, has it? You did say you were still looking for a place to belong, didn't you?
It's been a few months. I feel terrible about leaving her like that, but... I couldn't just stay there, waiting and waiting for something that was never going to happen.
So I went to where I could find the answers I need.
Is it something like me and my naginata? Where, if one is damaged, it reflects on the other?
[ that's how he understands a bond, anyway. ]
I understand. [ he often wonders the same about his own existence - how he exists at all, if he's not real. ] I wish that I had a way to offer you help, Kate-dono. But I do believe that you'll find the answers you seek, one way or another, even it takes you some time.
Ah. Yes, that does make sense. [ different than him, but close enough. the heart is a powerful thing.
but he laughs! ]
Of course I am! That's what journeys like that are for. The answers are out there, but it just takes time to find them.
[ he has to believe that. but before they can get too much into that, another memory plays out:
when you finally find the genji brothers, they're talking among themselves in hushed tones. you can't catch what, but you aren't here to eavesdrop, anyway. you focus instead on taking a deep breath to gather your courage, and finally step forward to approach them, a knot of anxiety wound tight in the pit of your stomach.
"Higekiri-sama, Hizamaru-sama."
as rude as you've been, they only ever meet you with kindness. higekiri greets you easily, smiling. "Good evening, Iwatooshi. It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"
when you can't meet his eyes, hizmaru opts for a different tact, asking if you needed something. a favor, you admit, and finally turn to face them with determination and dread. no more delaying.
hizamaru assures you that they never intended such a thing as his brother steps forward, curious.
"Why do you think we want to hurt him?" and that's the thing - you know they don't. you know they're allies, but you haven't been able to shake the concern since you first heard their names. filled with shame at feeling such an ugly thing, you turn away. "There has to be some misunderstanding. We are not out to hurt Imanotsurugi. We're all friends."
and you want to believe that, so, so badly, but it still doesn't quell your fears. you remain quiet, until higekiri prompts you again, repeating kogitsunemaru's words back to you: "It's best to speak your mind."
fine, then.
"I Have no proof," you begin, voice heavy. "However, I fear my thoughts are not far from the truth. I think Imanotsurugi and I don't exist in this course of history."
"Why do you think so?" higekiri asks.
"I first had my doubts when we were dispatched to Mount Atsukashi. I noticed my former master, Musashibou Benkei, wasn't wielding me. Although, at that time, he was possessed, so I brushed it off as nothing."
"Any other reasons?"
you hesitate, just a moment, before admitting, "Higekiri-sama, Hizamaru-sama... it's your existence."
"Our existence?"
"You are the priceless treasures of the Genji, yet I have no memory of you. Hizamaru-sama, you belonged to Yoshitsune-kou, correct?" when he confirms, you continue quickly, walking away from them a few steps. moving helps you think, helps you find the right words when everything in your mind is a whirlwind of confusion. "And yet we've never met. Doesn't that irrevocably prove either of us doesn't exist?"
"What about Imanotsurugi?"
"...He probably hasn't realized it yet. He's still very childlike." that's why you're trying to protect him. he won't take it well, of that you're certain. he hardly managed on the last mission, and now this?
"Iwatooshi," higekiri says, solemn, "I don't know the truth, and frankly, I don't care about it either. But it must have been hard to carry all this by yourself."
"Such a trifling matter," you grumble, frustrated with yourself. you really shouldn't be so up in arms about it, should you? you've known this already. "My former master was strong, wasn't he? Whether I exist or not, these memories are real. Musashibou Benkei used to be my master. No one can take that memory away from me."
you face them again, weapon tucked under your arm.
"We won't, we won't," higekiri insists. "It's true Master gave us secret orders, but..."
shocked, you stare at them in disbelief, but higekiri is quick to assure you that they were only asked to look after imanotsurugi, that even master is worried about him too. so that's how it is. despite knowing what might happen, what already had happened on the last mission, master had allowed imanotsurugi to be the captain... they've had more faith in your precious friend than even you, haven't they?
"Higekiri-sama, Hizamaru-sama. I'm sorry I doubted you." you give them a deep, formal bow. and when hizamaru, ever curious, asks for stories about your master and his, you can't stop the bit of joyful tears that spring to your eyes, always delighted to have a chance to speak of him, and agree wholeheartedly.
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but ohhhhh kate. sweet kate. he kind of wants to pull her into a hug again, because some of this is so familiar, and nothing hurts more than watching someone you care about suffer like this. ]
She must have worried about you. [ her grandmother. ] It hasn't been long since you left, has it? You did say you were still looking for a place to belong, didn't you?
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It's been a few months. I feel terrible about leaving her like that, but... I couldn't just stay there, waiting and waiting for something that was never going to happen.
So I went to where I could find the answers I need.
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I understand more about myself, and about shadows... but there are still some ways that we're clearly different.
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Shadows... real shadows, are fairies that mimic the forms of other living creatures. They have a bond with the creature they mimicked.
But I never... that never happened for me.
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Is there still a chance? To forge that bond someday.
[ or will she always be alone...? ]
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... That may be for the best, though. It means I don't have some of the same vulnerabilities as other shadows. I just... wish I knew why.
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[ that's how he understands a bond, anyway. ]
I understand. [ he often wonders the same about his own existence - how he exists at all, if he's not real. ] I wish that I had a way to offer you help, Kate-dono. But I do believe that you'll find the answers you seek, one way or another, even it takes you some time.
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... I hope you're right.
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but he laughs! ]
Of course I am! That's what journeys like that are for. The answers are out there, but it just takes time to find them.
[ he has to believe that. but before they can get too much into that, another memory plays out: frowning, iwatooshi touches his forehead. ]
...I'm sorry for that, Kate-dono.
[ unpleasant!! ]
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Those were... other sword spirits? Like you?
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