I believe he has a power that allows him to influence the minds of others. So... I would wish for this power to be gone, so that his rule over the manor may end. If that happened... maybe the children could take the manor for themselves. Or they could run away. They would be free to choose.
...They really did this to you. The cult and their fucking rituals.
[I never intended to find my partner. I was never going to do it, but.]
I wish it wasn't you. I wish -- [his voice breaks] you hadn't killed him. I don't want you to kill someone else. But I don't want you to die like this.
[he's been told by so many people here to think about his feelings. to think about what he wants. to be free to be himself. to live how he wants without thinking of anyone -- just him.
...anyone else would think that means keeping his own life safe, and walking away from this moment. it's the smart decision. it would mean his life would be his, if only for a little longer. it's what Gramps would expect from him, the entire Bookman clan whose legacy rests on his shoulders. it's what some people who'd encourage him to do the selfish thing would want him to do too.
but in the end, maybe the person Lavi is will always be someone who will think of others. humanity. the people he hates the most, but also the people he loves the most. the reason why he can keep going, the reason why he can never live for himself. or maybe this is his way of giving up the fight. maybe he's cloaking his true selfishness under the guise of caring for Kate, and trying to avoid the bigger picture.
....whatever reason it is, it's still his reason. and he's still making this decision for himself.]
I'm a succubus.
[he thinks of bookman's disapproval, and kanda... he'd be angry, wouldn't he? he said not to die. we're destroyers. not saviors. but lavi has been as bad of an exorcist as he has been a bookman. and... yuu's not here. not with him.
if he was alive, then this conversation would never be happening.
[ is it cruel to do this now? with lavi, of all people? one of the people she's hurt more than anyone? maybe she is selfish, and a monster. but she has something she needs to do, no matter what. something that could give meaning to all of this before it's all over for her.
... and yet, there is a part of her that thinks how easy it would be to lie, and leave him safer for it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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All of this happened because I was too selfish to take such a risk before now.
[ maybe she was the bad kind of fairy, after all. maybe she always was. ]
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[...]
Can you tell me what happened?
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That night with Kanda, do you mean?
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I believe you all managed to put together most of the events.
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Can you tell me about your wish?
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[ Even if I'll surely die here... if I can do that, then it won't be without meaning.
... The children...? ]
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Can you tell me about 'em?
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... I can't remember their names or faces.
[ Why...? ]
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-- Just now? [Is it a curse? Power?] Have you been in the swamp?
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... Yes.
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The effects are too unpredictable, so I didn't heal myself until after the trial.
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[Yuu didn't remember either... But when I talked about 'em, he did.]
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It should just be temporary, then? Thank goodness...
They're all very important to me. That much, I can remember clearly.
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[because it could be an effect, but if kate isn't herself when she commits murders than how far does it go?]
What about the manor? Do you remember that?
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The "Debut," and the coffee... The Lord Grandfather.
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Is he the person who trapped you? And the other kids?
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I believe he has a power that allows him to influence the minds of others. So... I would wish for this power to be gone, so that his rule over the manor may end. If that happened... maybe the children could take the manor for themselves. Or they could run away. They would be free to choose.
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...They really did this to you. The cult and their fucking rituals.
[I never intended to find my partner. I was never going to do it, but.]
I wish it wasn't you. I wish -- [his voice breaks] you hadn't killed him. I don't want you to kill someone else. But I don't want you to die like this.
[Failing to protect anyone. Just like I did.]
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... I'm sorry. I've put you in a terrible position, too.
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I'll be selfish. Just this once.
he can blame her and be angry at her for a heartbeat's worth of time.]
...I wanted to know, and I was willing to die for it. You gave me what I wanted.
[Can I do the same?]
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... ]
... If you've made up your mind, I'll accept your decision.
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...anyone else would think that means keeping his own life safe, and walking away from this moment. it's the smart decision. it would mean his life would be his, if only for a little longer. it's what Gramps would expect from him, the entire Bookman clan whose legacy rests on his shoulders. it's what some people who'd encourage him to do the selfish thing would want him to do too.
but in the end, maybe the person Lavi is will always be someone who will think of others. humanity. the people he hates the most, but also the people he loves the most. the reason why he can keep going, the reason why he can never live for himself. or maybe this is his way of giving up the fight. maybe he's cloaking his true selfishness under the guise of caring for Kate, and trying to avoid the bigger picture.
....whatever reason it is, it's still his reason. and he's still making this decision for himself.]
I'm a succubus.
[he thinks of bookman's disapproval, and kanda... he'd be angry, wouldn't he? he said not to die. we're destroyers. not saviors. but lavi has been as bad of an exorcist as he has been a bookman. and... yuu's not here. not with him.
if he was alive, then this conversation would never be happening.
but he's not.]
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... and yet, there is a part of her that thinks how easy it would be to lie, and leave him safer for it.
she reaches a hand to place it on his. ]
... I'm the same. A Succubus.
[ her hand trembles a little. ]
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